Furniture Follies, Part Dos

C.I.B.F. does not usually like sequels (did I just refer to myself in the 3rd person…uhg…bad start) but I feel this one is worth revisiting.

As some of you recall from my post a few weeks back (http://northandover.patch.com/blog_posts/can-i-be-frank-furniture-follies ) I have been supplementing income via a warehouse job at an office furniture company. The gist of that blog was that I am totally out of my element and that things were not exactly going swimmingly in this temporary line of work. When I wrote that piece I did not believe things could get more interesting or, frankly, more entertaining.

Then I met Ramon.

Until this past week, I have primarily worked with three other people in the warehouse; my supervisors, Rick and Wally, and my fellow furniture-lugging friend, Alejandro (come on Lady Gaga fans, sing with me…Alejandro….Ale, Ale…jandro!)

As I walked into the workplace on a very rainy and dreary Wednesday, I was introduced to another member of the team; Ramon.

Ramon is an approximately 40 year old, average sized Hispanic man.

Ramon is a very nice guy.
Ramon is a very hard worker.
And Ramon is completely CAAAA…RAZY!
LOCO!

Loud, funny, unpredictable, Ramon brought a new excitement to the desk jockeying world I have become accustomed to in recent weeks. When I asked my peers about Ramon, I was told he had been working there for years but had been out for the last month.

Wow, a month! Did he take a nice long vacation? Did he have a new baby at home? Perhaps a sabbatical from hustle and bustle of the ‘slave trade’ that is office furniture warehousing? I thought.

No?
What?
Come again?

Yeah, Ramon was out for the past month because he lost ½ of his index finger hauling furniture!

Are you kidding me?

No, they were not kidding. What really blew my mind? Ramon was back for more.

Allow me to backtrack for one second. Prior to meeting Ramon, Rick informed me that I would be working with him for the day as the rest of the group needed to tend to another project elsewhere.

Sure, no problem, Rick. Makes no difference to me.

Yeah, that’s how I felt before Rick blurted out the following phrase…

“So, as far as Ramon…he is a little nuts and sometimes careless…so just watch out.”

Come again, Ricky? How nuts and how careless???

Before I could get a straight answer out of him, they were all gone. It was just me, the 9-fingered bandit and a heaping pile of heavy furniture to unload from a very wet and dark tractor trailer.

Sweet.

Inside of 10 minutes with my new buddy, I understood exactly why he was sans one finger.

He was throwing around 200 lb desks like they were rag dolls.
Hoisting table tops like they were throw pillows.
Curling cubicles like they were cans of corn.

It was awe inspiring.
It was impressive.
And it was a total {cue the Kenny Loggins music} DANGER ZONE.

My kneejerk reaction was “This guy is lucky to have ANY fingers at all!”

After digesting his reckless abandon for his own well being….I realized the only person Ramon cared less about injuring than himself was…gulp… ME!

Not only was he launching unwieldy, awkward furniture to and fro, he was throwing it in my general direction. Can you imagine if I lost my index finger? Forget about the girlish screams that would be heard throughout the six New England states, how would I ever type again?

To add insult to potentially life threatening injury, let’s pile on one more layer of complexity and danger; Ramon speaks very broken and extremely-hard-to-understand English! To say English was Ramon’s second language would be like saying that…well…I don’t know…insert your own parable people!

Not only could I barely understand a word he uttered, Ramon spoke at the pace of a cocaine-fueled South American soccer broadcaster. I was just waiting to hear the scream of....

“GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!” as he decapitated me with a desk chair.


The ironic (and extremely curious) addendum to this bizarre day at “the office”; while Ramon lacked the ability to clearly communicate with me in English, he could sing EVERY word to EVERY song on the radio we play in the building. From The Beatles to Bob Dylan to Boston. Unreal. So, I just decided to sign my new digitally deficient friend up for Singing Bee! Too much talent to waste in a warehouse!

Ay de mi.

P.S. If you need high quality furniture at a great price, head over to Ideal Office Solutions! 360 Merrimack Street in Lawrence! I’m Frank McCabe, Jr.! (anyone else catch the Junior joke? Nevermind.) Come on down! www.idealofficeonline.com