Dart in the Neck

Remember the 2003 comedy flick Old School? Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn and one of those Wilson brothers play 30-something year old friends that start a fraternity at a nearby college and attempt to relive their glory days. One of the great scenes in the movie is when Ferrell (‘Frank the Tank’ in the film) accidently shoots himself in the neck with a tranquilizer gun during a kid’s birthday party. The result was a delusional, discombobulated Frank attempting to get his bearings, but the powerful drug overpowers him until he completely passes out into the pool to the sounds of 6 year old children screaming in fear.

This brilliant and hilarious scene out of a cult classic reminded my wife and I of our own real life ‘dart in the neck’ phenomenon going on each and every night at our house. As you probably know by now if you have followed any of my columns, we have a son with autism. Without getting into all of the details of our son’s behaviors and ‘symptoms’ due to his autism, I will tell you that hyperactivity is one of them. So much so, he has a very difficult time sitting still for extended periods of time. Shortly after he was diagnosed at the age of two, he began to have difficulty sleeping. More specifically, he had a difficult time falling asleep and even then it would only last a few short hours before his ‘engine was running’ again. After a few non-invasive sleep therapies (change of diet, some soothing techniques, and even a few herbal remedies) we soon realized that more drastic measures were needed if he (and more importantly, his parents!) were to ever get a decent night’s sleep again! We took him to see a neurologist to discuss our sleepless situation. After a brief consultation he offered the option of using a mild sedative that our son would take each night before bedtime. Without any hesitation, question or concern for any possible medical side effects we both jumped at this solution. “YES, YES, PLEASE! Do you have any pills on you right now? Can we take it as well? Can we get a year’s supply in advance?” Not exactly what we said, but pretty damn close. We skipped out of the doc’s office, prescription in hand, and were very excited to try out this new Circadian Rhythm-correcting cure! Fingers crossed, we eagerly filled the script at the pharmacy and headed home to drug our baby boy, Tony Montegna-style! Slipped that first magical pill into some apple juice and…down the hatch. If memory serves me, we basically stared at him for the next hour. Slowly, but noticeably, we watched Crazy Legs Hirsch evolve into a Sleepy the Dwarf and gently drift off to sleep. SERENITY NOW! BOOM! Pop the champagne, break out the Kool AND his Gang because it was time to celebrate! (of course, our little 2-person party lasted about 43 minutes….hell, we had not slept in weeks either!) We headed off to bed feeling as if we had conquered at least one problem in his ever-changing care plan. And so, things went on like that for a while. Each evening, around 6:00PM, we would slip him a Mickey and he would drift off to dreamland without issue – and typically sleep right through the night. However, as he started to age, we realized this procedure had a slightly more dramatic effect. Keeping in mind, when we first started this medication, he was still a small “baby”. We would hold him, rock him and then place him into his crib. As time wore on and he quickly grew into a toddler, we needed to be a bit more alert once these drugs entered his system. We soon discovered if we were not on top of things, our boy would fall asleep in strange and precarious places and positions. Flat out in the middle of the kitchen floor. Sitting up in his chair. On the toilet once (near drowning avoided). It was around that time my wife began referring to our son’s medication as the ‘DART IN THE NECK’. Similar to Frank the Tank in Old School, we would discover our son wobbling around the house, making odd sounds and ready to crash in the first place he could land. After a few minor incidents (in case any of you readers happen to work for the Department of Social Services), we got into a rhythm and made certain when the big boy was ready to crash he was at least out of harm’s way; on a couch, love seat or heavily pillowed bathroom floor. Today, at nearly age 9, the little guy still gets the very same medication and it still works pretty well. When his hyperactivity kicks into over-drive you can frequently hear the phrase, ‘Get the Dart!’ bellowing through our home. We are proud to report he has yet to fall into a pool, or any other major body of water, to date. Suck it Parents Magazine