I admit it – I don’t care for business meetings. True, they are an important part of any successful organization - they allow for better communication, clarify company as well as individual goals and expectations, and offer the opportunity to share ideas face-to-face. I get it. I partake in these types of meetings everyday – vendor meetings, client meetings, company meetings, networking meetings…and so on.
Meetings, in principle, are fine by me but something has changed and it has caused some frustration. Specifically, when did so many “buzz” words and phrases enter into our business vocabulary? The list seems endless and all of them annoy me equally. The following are some of my un-favorites but there are many more that I am sure you have heard if you have been in on a conference call, in a board room or at a networking function in the last 5 years or so.
Champion: the person(s) responsible for executing on a specific task or project.
“I will champion our efforts to increase brand awareness in the marketplace”.
When did we decide to throw the word ‘champion’ around so loosely? Last time I checked none of the people I work with play for the Celtics, Red Sox, or Patriots. You are not a champion. You are an entry level customer service rep – go back to your desk!
Benchmark: the proverbial measuring stick for success of a given process, procedure or project.
“We need to set a benchmark for how research and development ties to sales revenue.”
What happened to “goal”, “target”, “objective”? Is benchmark even a word? I know it is 2 words stuffed together – but is it a real word? You know what, I don’t care – benchmark that.
Trusted advisor: a person and/or company that you procure products or services from.
“ACME feels we are a trusted advisor to ABC Co and thank you for your continued business”.
Oh, you mean you are the guy that sells me my post-it notes…now I remember! Guess what, Skippy, I don’t trust you – take that under advisement! Sell me my post-it notes for a fair market price, deliver a quality product in a timely fashion – then we’ll start talking about the ‘Trust Tree’…Nest…whatever. (Old School reference in case you missed it)
Ping : (synonyms include “reach out”, “poke” and “tweet”) – the act of contacting or following up with an associate, typically via email.
“Let me get all the paperwork together and I will ping you later today”.
To me, ‘ping’ may be the grand wizard of annoying biz buzz words. In the not too distant past, if you overheard the phrase ‘I plan to ping you later in the week’ around the office – it usually meant there was a sexual harassment law suit looming!
Listen, we all do our best to sound intelligent in the workplace. We all strive to impress our peers and, more importantly, our customers but can we please drop the self-important jargon? How about we just use the good old fashioned English language – so I can figure out exactly what it is you actually plan to do?
I don’t mean to take a sarcastic, or even disgruntled, tone but I just want to know when Peter the Pushy Pencil Sharpener Sales guy plans to get me my 2009 Pencil Sharpener Proposal? Whew. Why Sally the Sad Sack from Accounting does not have last quarter’s financials ready? Or when that pederast Lumbergh will get me all of the TPS reports I have been waiting for (Office Space reference in case you missed it)?
Until then, I just to need to take one game at a time, play within myself, give a 110% and support my teammates. Wait, wait, wait…that’s annoying pro athlete-buzz…for another time.
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