Specifically we are talking about customer service. Can it ever be too good? Seems like a stupid question. Who among us does not like a pleasant experience with the nice people who serve us our meals? Oftentimes, great customer service is what builds reputations and ensures loyalty. Right?
Well, if there is such a phenomenon as customer service that was too good, I just experienced it.
Last week, my wife and I were out for our Anniversary/Father’s Day/Bruins-Winning-the-Stanley Cup dinner. We made reservations at an incredible new steakhouse we had never been to before, which I will not name. (but if you really want to know, I’ll tell you!).
The atmosphere was incredible. The food was amazing. The service, however, was simply too good…or more specific too much. Too many greetings. Too many people checking in every 8 seconds. Too many waiters serving us. It was customer service overload.
The following is an actual reenactment of our dining experience (I may be exaggerating a little…but this is really close.)
Enter the establishment. Immediately, we are greeted with Fenway Park-like applause and cheers from the entire staff. I may have even heard a “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow’ in the mix, but it was too loud to tell. Finally, when the excitement died down we were airlifted like Ali Baba on a magic carpet and carried to our table by four giant men wearing togas (insert ‘Animal House’ line of your choice here). Upon arrival, we are delicately placed into robes and gently placed down onto our gold plated velvet chairs.
We were not asked if we wanted water. These people poured it into our mouths for us.
We did not receive a cocktail menu. Instead Tom Cruise and ‘the other guy’ jumped over the bar to concoct custom martinis tailored specifically for us based on a background check and an extensive family history.
Before we could take a deep breath and attempt to read the menu, we had 3 different cows standing tableside for our choosing.
What the hizzy is going on here?
Maybe I will take a look at the wine list? OH NO! Look out, here comes Kendall Jackson and the Cabernet 5 racing to our disposal with a vat of fresh grapes ready to stomp like that ‘I Love Lucy’ episode.
Jeez.
At this point, we are starting to sweat. This is just way too much pressure for a supposed relaxing dinner for two.
Not only was the service frantic, but the pace was unbelievable. Correct me if I am wrong but when you typically sit down for a nice meal at a high end restaurant you expect to take your time? No? Start with a drink, ease into an appetizer, slowly moving on to the main course and capped off with a dessert or coffee. Not here at Senor Speedy’s. No, no. We were in and out in less that one hour. It was like an episode of Man vs. Food. We felt like we were being timed.
Before I even took my final beat-the-clock-bite of steak, one of the 82 people serving us was abruptly cleaning up the table. The fork in my hand was replaced by a pen to sign the check that magically appeared sometime around salad.
Whew! It was intense.
After a few days to ponder this event, I have come up with some rules of thumb to offer my new friends at the Hurryup Café:
Most people actually enjoy chewing their own food; I promise you.
It is most common to request a credit card AFTER the meal is served.
While foot massages are nice, not necessary during dinner.
Allow your guests maybe like 5 or even 10 seconds between the crabcake and the chocolate cake
Lastly, do not stare at your guests with a forced, frightened, pained smile throughout the meal. It really does wreck the appetite
Food for thought. (Ha, ha…get it? It’s a play on wor…uhg…sorry)
Warm Regards,
Phrank (a.k.a. The Phantom Gourmet)
(no, not really…or maybe I am?)
