Well, 2011 is here. Frankly (no pun intended), I am excited to see 2010 go....time for some changes. Changes across the board. I have gained "some" employment, but nothing I can sink my teeth into just yet. Anyway...thought I would add another chapter to the Chronicles.
Today's subject: my kids.
I have shared some weird experiences I have undergone since being unemployed, but today I am just going to give you some straight talk. Don't judge me...just listen.
My kids are driving me insane.
Let me give you the gratuitous, "I love them more than words, they are the best thing that ever happened to me, don't know what I would do without them," crap out of the way. Of course all of that is true, but I need to convey to some realities.
Being home with kids all day is shear horror.
Until this past week, I had been dealing with them while they were is 'school mode'. Meaning, for some portion of the day, they were occupied by their education which provided me the wonderful opportunity to be alone; albeit I was doing laundry, dishes, and praying for death.
However, vacation week presented a new stay-at-home-Dad phenomenon; these children are here ALL day. They are not going anywhere; unless I take them. The woman of the house is, once again, out earning for the family, so I can not justifiably complain. That said, I have wanted to run into the woods and hide...under a POLAR BEAR.
Why aren't you kids sick of me? I know I am sick of you . Honestly, all day, every day, we hang out. We eat together, play together, watch TV together. Christ, don't you kids need any space???
Today, for example, let me give you the abbreviated run down.
6:38AM - Girls wake and, inside of 8 minutes, are fighting and crying over God knows what? Had not even open the eye lids and they were jumping on top of me, screaming and battling. Take it outside!
6:49AM - Here comes the big boy (my oldest). Hungry, energetic...just too much coming at me before I have sipped my first cup of coffee. Too much.
I quickly get my bearings and throw some food at them before they decide to eat me or burn the house down in protest.
Phew...ok, what time we looking at now?
7:37AM!!?!?!
Sweet mother of...!!
8:42AM - I decide to take a short time out (and by that, I mean I am hiding in the bathroom, sobbing and hoping they have gotten into some Nyquil).
No such luck.
In walks the 4 year old to the bathroom, asking for more pancakes.
Can I just have 3 minutes? Just 3 minutes! No? Really?
The next 4-5 hours were quickly filled with wardrobe changes, a bath for the girls, excessive amounts of suger-filled snacks and cartoons that surely my wife would not approve of.
So, let's look at the clock, must be time for bed...what...dear Lord, it is 2:05PM!
Don't these kids have anything better to do?
Don't they have any friends to visit?
Calls to make?
Bills to pay?
Do they really like hanging out with me this much?
Anyway, I'll fast forward for you.
Come 5:00PM I made them put on their pajamas and painted all of the windows black to make them think it was night time.
Didn't work.
So - before Amy gets home - can someone tell me what takes off black paint off glass..and the best place to hide an empty Nyquil bottle?
No comments:
Post a Comment